It is hard sometimes to know where #MeToo starts and stops.  I have a simple formula:  Is there an abuse of power?  If yes, then we are dealing with #MeToo.  

There are many situations where some people have power and authority over others.  Therapist/Client is one.  The Movie Industry revealed how it operates within an arena where the power that some have is far-reaching: A Director who could make or break the career of someone who would not sleep with him.  There is Employer/Employee.  That is almost simple and straightforward.  And then there is this example where a woman is sexually harassed, assaulted, and bullied not by just her employer - but by what must feel like the entire RCMP Force across Canada.  How does one simply remove themselves? 

This woman, former RCMP Officer Krista Carle, like many who are victims within the #MeToo Movement and who have been victimized by others with enormous power and authority over their lives, did not survive.  Suicide is an all-too-common consequence.  Suicide Prevention Crisis Centres and Lines need to be educated on how abuse-of-power differs from other forms of assault and how to help those who call them.

​http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/krista-carle-dead-1.4740130

#MeToo brought into focus those who held power in society and misused it to sexually harass and emotionally coerce others into sexual contact. As much as this issue has stormed through industries, only men have been shocked by the frequency with which it occurs.  Women knew this.  We have been warned by our mothers and grandmothers about this nearly everyday of our young lives. Every dress was assessed for its risk factor.  Every job was considered with an eye to who and where and were there other women there.  Every career choice was looked at as to whether or not there was the potential that women would be forced into compromising situations.  While some were demanding that prostitutes be stopped, they turned a blind eye to what was right in front of them everyday: people with power forcing others to participate in sexual acts against their will.  

What is most shocking is the extent to which that power was exerted on victims and how our social constructs were created to maintain that status quo and the ability to silence those who were hurt and/or banish those who refused to be quiet.  It is laying bare the social apparatuses that have protected offenders, endowed with power over the lives of their victims, from the exalted heights of the Movie Industry to the highest offices within Ivory Towers right down to those who position themselves to help victims of trauma and the Grassroots Organizations that fight for the sexual assault victim but instead, out of fear, anxiety  disbelief or whatever, end up harboring an offender. 

Power is power.  It can be used to empower others or it can be used to enslave.  Therapists who engage their clients in sexual contact are abusing their power and authority.  Every professional organization in Canada is clear that no therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist can engage in a sexual relationship with a client without it being a sexual assault.  There is no grey area.  Here we begin to recognize again what those dealing with sexual assualts have always known.  Not all rape occurs with physical force or GHB.  The imbalance of power removes ideas of mutually consenting adults replacing it with conversations about emotional coercion where the client may not realize, as it is happening,  the extent to which they are being harmed.  

#ExploitationInTherapy #MentalHealthConsumer #sexual assault #MeToo #TimesUp #CriminalCode

Question: I am concerned about talking to my therapist about a certain thing that happened to me.  I need to talk about it.  But I am afraid that when I do I probably won't cry.  I might tear up.  But I was taught not to cry.  I am afraid she won't believe me or think I am lying or embellishing because I don't cry.

Advice from the Trenches:  It is not unusual for those who have experienced childhood abuse to exhibit this lack of affect.  The fact that you don't cry or can't cry when discussing terrible things that happened to you will demonstrate to a good therapist the degree to which these experiences have traumatized you. The one coping skill children have during trauma is to dissociate.  The bigger the trauma the more the need to dissociate.  Not crying is a symptom of that dissociation.  A good therapist will not isolate one reaction to define the whole of who you are.  They will take all the information she/he is receiving from you to create a whole picture about what you have coped with and how you did that.  Their job then is to help walk you through that trauma in a manner that provides resolution.

Question: There are times when I have this weird experience where I feel kinda numb and like I am no longer in my life but watching my life happen.  Is this weird?

Advice from the Trenches:  It is important to not underestimate the importance of our coping skills regardless of how they manifest.  This is especially true around dissociation or de-personalization.  Dissociation is not an aberration but a coping skill that we used as child to keep us away from that which was overwhelming.  In the here and now, during times of crisis, it functions much like your autoimmune system automatically kicking in when you catch a cold, only this time the risk is to the body and mind.  What can reduce how this impacts on you or your life is examining the painful, childhood experiences that initially dictated it.  Most often that occurs in a therapeutic process.  

It is always a good idea, when this happens, to check in with your life and your surroundings.  Is something happening that puts you at risk or is something/someone around that triggers a time that you felt at risk?  

Secondly, engaging in an act of mindfulness can sometimes help to reground you to the here and now and dispel some of that dissociation. 

Let me know if that helped.

​Bernadine